Perfect Father’s Day Gifts

When the world is reduced to a smoldering pile of ash, only two things will remain – cockroaches and Keith Richards. Perhaps, given that sentiment, it’s time to stop taking the old geezer for granted and start learning the necessary methods of survival. You can start by practicing with this Keith Richards Action Figure. (It really exists – I’m not making this up).

Weave guitars with Ronnie Wood! Steal the girlfriend of Brian Jones! Bitch-slap preening Mick Jagger! Ingest every substance you find! Hang with Johnny Depp and still be the coolest guy in the room!

“But I can’t be like Keef”, you whine. Au contrare, wimp!

Now there’s an instruction manual for just that very thing! Jessica Fallington West’s What Would Keith Richards Do?

From the publicity brief:

The perfect gift for the legions of fans of the Rolling Stones: timeless wisdom and spiritual beliefs inspired by one of the world’s great survivors, Keith Richards. 

What is a wise man? What is a prophet? Someone with a strange, unflappable demeanor. Someone who speaks in cryptic koans, words whose meanings take years to unravel. Someone who has confronted death, God, sin, and the immortal soul. Someone unfit for this world, but too brilliant to depart it. Someone, in short, like Keith Richards.

Here, at last, the wisdom of this indefatigable man is recorded and set forth. These are his visionary words: “I would rather be a legend than a dead legend.” Or “Whatever side I take, I know well that I will be blamed.” And—indeed—“I’ve never had a problem with drugs, only with policemen.” 

The perfect Father’s Day gift!

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