Happy Birthday, Elvis Presley! I know you’re making the donuts somewhere up in Minnesota and it was difficult to stay hidden when your daughter got married to that pedophile. But you have your priorities, and one of them is not surfacing so they can force you to do a duets album like they made Frank Sinatra do. Good for you, sir.
So as you celebrate your birthday today, allow me to thank you for ten things. I could list more, but the line at Graceland is pretty thick today, even with the snow, and I think those weeping fans deserve a turn too. So for everything you did for rock’n’roll, E…thannkewwvurrrymushhh.